Sometimes I lay in bed and I am suffused with so much love for him. A feeling so deep and so great that I do not quite know where to place it all. Am I supposed to contain it? Put it in one place and let it keep still? But all this love I think will naturally overflow as it is brimming to begin with... what then?
I go from this point to another in this circle. Fear would follow and grip me. What if he goes? Him just going, just plain up and leave because after all life unfolds in funny ways, sometimes with no great personal respect at all to the one it happens to... or what if God takes him? Just say, enough with this story....
So much drama, I know.
But back to this love. It is overwhelming. Affecting. Sweet. And in our great tradition, poignant.
The only way to deal with it I think is to have a circle of friends around you to cushion your fall or to celebrate with you whichever the story goes. Us four girls have begun to understand that if love takes over one of us, we could only be there and accept and ride the tumult for that other who has fallen prey to this great power. I think that we have come to realize in many different situations we've faced together that to deal with love, we have to just continuously love that "ailing" friend, no questions asked. And maybe hope and pray that if our turn comes, our story would be as great or not as bad.
I think that as we go along we are starting to master this point in fact.
Love, love, love and it's many non-boundaries. In my story, I have come to understand that it is my weakest link. I have come to un-know myself-- there is absolutely nothing of myself that I can recognize and claim to be perfectly, typically me. In love, I have disappointed myself many times over. Lied to myself. Cheated myself....
I've become a warrior in a battle ground that I might even just have created on my own. Or not (here I defend myself).
To say the least, I've become my own worst enemy.
There it is. I look at it all, the long arduous, painful, tear-jerker journey, that purported to be my love story and get overwhelmed everytime by how events turned and still could not recognize me in it. With displaced humour you could even say that up to this point, I am still at large--.
But again, this is a circle you see, and so there is that point in that circle where I know exactly where I am and who I am and what I am at.
And so, there it is.
I go from this point to another in this circle. Fear would follow and grip me. What if he goes? Him just going, just plain up and leave because after all life unfolds in funny ways, sometimes with no great personal respect at all to the one it happens to... or what if God takes him? Just say, enough with this story....
So much drama, I know.
But back to this love. It is overwhelming. Affecting. Sweet. And in our great tradition, poignant.
The only way to deal with it I think is to have a circle of friends around you to cushion your fall or to celebrate with you whichever the story goes. Us four girls have begun to understand that if love takes over one of us, we could only be there and accept and ride the tumult for that other who has fallen prey to this great power. I think that we have come to realize in many different situations we've faced together that to deal with love, we have to just continuously love that "ailing" friend, no questions asked. And maybe hope and pray that if our turn comes, our story would be as great or not as bad.
I think that as we go along we are starting to master this point in fact.
Love, love, love and it's many non-boundaries. In my story, I have come to understand that it is my weakest link. I have come to un-know myself-- there is absolutely nothing of myself that I can recognize and claim to be perfectly, typically me. In love, I have disappointed myself many times over. Lied to myself. Cheated myself....
I've become a warrior in a battle ground that I might even just have created on my own. Or not (here I defend myself).
To say the least, I've become my own worst enemy.
There it is. I look at it all, the long arduous, painful, tear-jerker journey, that purported to be my love story and get overwhelmed everytime by how events turned and still could not recognize me in it. With displaced humour you could even say that up to this point, I am still at large--.
But again, this is a circle you see, and so there is that point in that circle where I know exactly where I am and who I am and what I am at.
And so, there it is.
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